Monday, November 29, 2010

A Bump In The Road

This is a hard post to write. Jason and I find ourselves sitting in the waiting room while sweet Carter undergoes surgery once again. The rod inserted into his femur migrated back out for some reason. When that happened, it left his new bone growth unprotected and his leg fractured. Last night we traveled to Florida for emergency surgery this morning to repair the broken bone and to remove the metal rod that was nearly breaking through his skin. Admittedly, not the best traveling circumstances.

Carter did remarkably well considering all the pain he was enduring and, yet again, we were blessed by the kindness of friends, family members and complete strangers. The flight attendants worked so hard to make us comfortable (not easy when you have metal rod coming out of your leg). Other passengers offered to move seats, carry our luggage and help in any way they could. My mom and sisters pretty much put their lives on hold to come and assume the care of Colby and Caitlin. The mom in me is heartbroken at having to leave those two behind again, the only thing that eased the pain was knowing they were in good hands.

Isn't it amazing when you are able to get through a situation that you had believe, only a short time ago, would have been the end of your sanity? Today I sit here with Jason, thankful to have him by my side, and I know that we will be okay. Carter will be okay. This from a person who only 24 hours ago was sobbing on the bathroom floor, unable to breath or even move.

Please don't confuse my resolve with understanding. I don't know why Carter has to go through these trials, I just know that this is his journey and he has the strength and resiliency to see it through.

*I was interrupted by Dr. Paley's P.A. coming out to give us an update on surgery. The news was not what we wanted to hear. The words translated into my head like this: Carter's bone was fractured to the point that external fixation was required and he lost some of the length he'd gained this summer. Upon hearing the news I swore (sorry but it's true) and Jason's eyes welled up. And then I thought about what I'd just typed in the blog... What was I thinking??? Forget strength, forget resiliency!!!

But then, I was able to go back and spend some time with my precious Carter and my understanding was once again made a little clearer by my son. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Carter was lying in the hospital bed with a puffy, itchy face (he's sensitive to all those meds), teeth chattering, and an external fixator attached to his leg by metal pins that extend into his bone. His amazing strength radiated from him even as he lay there. How do you see your child like this and not find the resolve to support him the best you can?

So my quest is to be as strong as my Carter boy, but I'm going for baby steps. Like right now, I'm going to focus on sleep, something I've had little of in the last two days! And from there I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other... (resilient, no?)


Brandan & Haylie said...

So sorry to hear about this 'bump in the road'. Our prayers are with you all. Just remember that you are stronger than what you think you are:-)

Anonymous said...

You guys are in our thoughts and prayers.. If there is anything we can do to help with things here in Salem please let us know.
The Brindleys

Shayla D. said...

Jamie and Jason,

I've been following Carter's story for some time. Yes, I'm a blog stalker. Just not a psycho one. :o) I grew up with the Browns and think the world of all of them.

I'm so sorry this has happened! I'll keep Carter in my prayers and hope for the very best for him and for your sweet family. He's such a strong boy and a true inspiration - and so are you! I really hope there are better days ahead.

Shayla Anderson

Cristina said...

Had to check in on your blog, Caitlin told us yesterday that Carter had to get a new fixator, and I was hoping she was just fibbing.

Thanks for being so honest about your feelings in this post. I hope things get better as the days go by. As the previous comment said, you are all an inspiration!

B&L Belnap said...

Hope the best for dear, sweet Carter. He's in our prayers. We love you all and think you and Jason are pretty awesome too!

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry to hear of this setback and discouragement. I think y'all are amazing! I tell Braydon all the time that I think Carter is the best friend he could have because even though he has had rough times, he always has a huge smile and is so positive! I couldn't wish for a better example for my child!
And not only Braydon, but look at Livvy- she is absolutely smitten with Carter! I've never seen her flirt with a boy until she started with Carter. He just radiates incredibility! I think she just can't help feeling love for him. She tells us that she loves Carter. And if you recall, she is my shy one! ;)
Please give Carter a big hug from us! We love him and all of you! We are here if you need anything! Thanks for letting us be a part of your lives!

Tracey S. said...

Thank you for writing this blogpost. I have had external fixation for clubfoot, tibial lengthening and now femoral derotation. I had a femoral osteotomy where they derotated my femur 35 degrees. They had applied internal plates because my hip socket is too malformed for a rod and I wasn't about to agree to another fixator considering the day they did the femoral osteotomy they removed my tibial frame which had been in place 20 months. All was going well. I had my 5 wk x-ray and osteotomy site wasn't even visible! I was cleared for moderate weight baring. A week later the plates failed and I started popping the tops of the screws that held the plates in place. And my I could actually move my broken leg. The 'plan' was to redo my plates, the surgeon took one look at the plates and said no way was he reapplying them bc they had failed once and I have a history of poor bone growth. Prior to going into surgery I told Mom I wanted a fixator bc I was in sooo much pain and the femur brace I was in was not a tolerable solution for 3-4 months. I told doc how horrid brace was and that was also another factor in placing the fixator again. S I was fixator free for 64 days. And here I am 6.5 months since fixator was installed (8 months since initial osteotomy) and bone STILL isn't healed enough to remove it. I am looking at maybe a full year in this fixator. When my plates broke we felt like this doesn't happen to anyone else. I know a load of kids w/ internal plates and they have never had problems! I hope Carter's fixator can come off soon!