This is a hard post to write. Jason and I find ourselves sitting in the waiting room while sweet Carter undergoes surgery once again. The rod inserted into his femur migrated back out for some reason. When that happened, it left his new bone growth unprotected and his leg fractured. Last night we traveled to Florida for emergency surgery this morning to repair the broken bone and to remove the metal rod that was nearly breaking through his skin. Admittedly, not the best traveling circumstances.
Carter did remarkably well considering all the pain he was enduring and, yet again, we were blessed by the kindness of friends, family members and complete strangers. The flight attendants worked so hard to make us comfortable (not easy when you have metal rod coming out of your leg). Other passengers offered to move seats, carry our luggage and help in any way they could. My mom and sisters pretty much put their lives on hold to come and assume the care of Colby and Caitlin. The mom in me is heartbroken at having to leave those two behind again, the only thing that eased the pain was knowing they were in good hands.
Isn't it amazing when you are able to get through a situation that you had believe, only a short time ago, would have been the end of your sanity? Today I sit here with Jason, thankful to have him by my side, and I know that we will be okay. Carter will be okay. This from a person who only 24 hours ago was sobbing on the bathroom floor, unable to breath or even move.
Please don't confuse my resolve with understanding. I don't know why Carter has to go through these trials, I just know that this is his journey and he has the strength and resiliency to see it through.
*I was interrupted by Dr. Paley's P.A. coming out to give us an update on surgery. The news was not what we wanted to hear. The words translated into my head like this: Carter's bone was fractured to the point that external fixation was required and he lost some of the length he'd gained this summer. Upon hearing the news I swore (sorry but it's true) and Jason's eyes welled up. And then I thought about what I'd just typed in the blog... What was I thinking??? Forget strength, forget resiliency!!!
But then, I was able to go back and spend some time with my precious Carter and my understanding was once again made a little clearer by my son. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Carter was lying in the hospital bed with a puffy, itchy face (he's sensitive to all those meds), teeth chattering, and an external fixator attached to his leg by metal pins that extend into his bone. His amazing strength radiated from him even as he lay there. How do you see your child like this and not find the resolve to support him the best you can?
So my quest is to be as strong as my Carter boy, but I'm going for baby steps. Like right now, I'm going to focus on sleep, something I've had little of in the last two days! And from there I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other... (resilient, no?)