Tuesday, November 3, 2009
We have a night time tradition in our family, Bouncy. It goes like this: While I'm tucking my babes in bed, I pull the covers clear up to their chin and bounce them just a bit while I sing a little ditty. I can't remember how the song even came to be, but it is sung to the tune of "Goodnight My Someone" from Music Man. Ya'll know that right? In my defense, I grew up watching a lot of musicals! I will share a rendition using Caitlin's name since the boys have recently decided that they've outgrown bouncy.
Goodnight my Lin, Lin
Goodnight my Love
Sweet dreams my Lin, Lin
Sweet dreams my Love
I'll see you in the morning
So, go to sleep (I really emphasis this part which leads to a giggle)
Now, goodnight my Lin, Lin, goodnight
Sorry, I know that will probably be stuck in your head for several days if you are familiar with the tune. I figure I only have another year of bouncy before Caitlin will declare that she is too old. But, I savor the memories of this little ritual with each of them.
I really do have a point to make. After the whole bedtime routine, including bouncy, when my little ones are sound asleep, I sneak back into their rooms to check on them and to steal just a few more luvs (AKA secret mother lovin'). As I watch them sleep I am overcome with the strongest feelings of guilt. I know mood kill. Let me try and explain.
I watch each of their peaceful faces and pray that I have done good by them. Were they happy today? Do they feel good about themselves? Was I kind and patient? Did I recognize their individual uniqueness? You get the point.
Now, I wish I had some great way to wrap this all up and end with a pretty package with a big red bow. But, I don't. I am left hoping and praying that I am worthy to be their mom. And the next day and the next I will try my hardest and continue to hope that I have been all they need me to be.