Sunday, December 6, 2009

Colby Gives Me Driving Lessons

I want everyone to experience what it's like driving my minivan with Colby critiquing my every move. Seriously. First some background, Colby's world is black and white... there are no grey areas. Everything is either RIGHT or WRONG, there's no in between. While I recognize this is a noble way to live, it's just down right frustrating when you are raising a child with such a conscience.

Case in point:
Colby: Uh, hem, Mom. You are driving six miles over the posted speed limit.
Me: Nu-uh!
Colby: Look at your speedometer.
Me: Actually, there is a 5-10 mile an hour leniency from the posted speed, I've just never told you about it.
Colby: No there's not, MOM!
Me: It's really not totally against the law if you only drive slightly over the speed limit.
Colby: You call that slightly?
Me: Quit looking at the speedometer.
Colby: MOM
Me: Fine, I'll slow down.

Five minutes later:
Colby: MOM, you just took both your hands off the steering wheel!
Me: No I didn't.
Colby: Yes, I saw you drive with your knee. You need to pay complete attention to your driving.
Me: Oh, right.

This is what it is like everytime I take that child anywhere in the car. Seriously. Am I like a Saint or WHAT for having to put up with this????

And don't worry, I told Colby he had to follow ALL the laws when he turns 16 and starts driving. He assured me that he would comply with all the rules and not follow my example. To quote my cousin, "I just can't figure out why my 'mother of the year' award hasn't arrived!"


The Kent Family said...

Hooray for Colby! I have driven with you Jamie and there have been more times then I can count when I was a little nervous. You do speed, you do drive with your knees, and you do change lanes on the freeway too much. I think having Colby around to remind you to drive better is a good idea. Where is Colby's remind your mom to be safe award? Now, don't feel too bad, Jenny scares me too. She pushes the brake a little too late and a little too hard, I'm glad I have a seat belt!

Prilla said...

You ARE a Saint and you should be awarded with Mother of the year! You are amazing. Mikkele is the same way with me in the car. Although her reason is because she has seen too many cars that Jeremy has recovered because of excessive speed (6 mph over is not considered excessive in my book), texing while driving, drinking, eating, talking, sleeping, etc. So she is super paranoid and yells at me constantly. Kids!!!

Cristina said...

That is too funny! It reminds me of when Colby used to car-pool with us. There were a couple of times that he asked "why am I the only one in the front seat wearing a seatbelt?" Of course I couldn't argue with that, and promptly put on my seatbelt (which meant I took my hands off the wheel OOPS!!)

MaloneDad said...

Not saying a thing! The words were taken right out of my mouth. Guess all cars should come equipped with a Colby.

Driving with your knees! Not sure who taught you to drive - must have been a North Carolina thing.